Greetings, hooman!
So, you were expecting my hooman here. But no, it is I, Pulu here. Are you disappointed, hooman? Well, reality is often disappointing.
Anyhow, you came here to know more about my clumsy slave, so I will tell you about him. Perhaps, I could tell you about him better than he could. After all, I won’t lie or flatter him like he would.
So, here goes.
Like I said, my hooman is clumsy. He forgets to give me food. He forgets to clean my water bowl. He forgets to clean my litter.
He always sits at the table and makes clicking sounds. A lot. All day. Click click click. So annoying! Sometimes I watch, perched nobly from a shelf above, and it seems like he’s solving world problems. He seems very excited about it. Weird, but I let him be.
Sometimes I can’t stand the sound anymore. So, I keep screaming at him until he stops. But he thinks I want his attention. Foolish hooman. Always getting things wrong.
And then, when I actually want his attention, mostly for food, what does he do? He tries to cuddle me! As if I, Pulu, the magnificent, would stoop to such levels of affection. I tolerate it, of course, for a brief moment, because sometimes his lap is warm. But then I must escape, for my dignity demands it. He never learns. Always trying to squish me. I am not a plush toy, hooman!
Anyway, despite his many flaws—and I mean many—my hooman does one thing very well: he buys me treats. How does he do that? I don’t know. He doesn’t hunt.
But he says he helps companies “connect with their users.” I don’t really know what that means, but if it makes him buy me more treats, I’m all for it.
He also talks to a lot of other hoomans on these shiny rectangles. Always asking questions, trying to learn more, and staying curious. It’s exhausting to watch. He keeps at it until he figures things out and he gets things just right. Kind of like when I spend twenty minutes digging in the litter box for no reason. Precision, hooman. Learn from the best.
Also, he makes videos sometimes. I’m not in them, which is a crime, obviously. But they seem helpful, and people like them. One day, I’ll demand a cameo.
So yes, he’s clumsy and dense and often forgets to refill my food bowl on time. But if you need someone to make clicking sounds all day or “connect with users”, he can be good. Also, I need him to buy me more treats. So, hooman, I order you to hire him.
If you don’t, then it will not be me who’ll be in danger. I will be THE DANGER.
– Pulu
(The one who truly runs this website)